The Need for Control and Power

Although I am no longer in a relationship with SJC, I realize that on many levels, he is still trying to control me.  It is this need for control and power that drives abusers like SJC to continue to abuse.  Not only can financial abuse be present throughout and towards the end of a relationship but shockingly, it also can exist when a victim has already left the relationship. I didn’t realize this was still happening to me until I started to move pass my own personal feelings of embarrassment and shame.

As I started to openly discuss my experience with others, I was reminded that through his subsequent actions, SJC was allowing his own behavior to speak volumes about his character. As a master manipulator, he was still trying to control me using financial means as his weapon of choice. Case(s) in point:

  1. In my civil matter against him alleging fraud, SJC refuses to acknowledge the money was a loan and instead claims it was an investment into his failed bottled water venture. To date, SJC hasn’t made any payments towards this loan.
  2. Later, SJC files for bankruptcy adding both me and my son as creditors. Curiously, he also adds his girlfriend, mom, uncle and grandparents as creditors as well to distract from his true motivation to write off the debt he owes to us.
  3. SJC alleges he has no money in his bankruptcy filing but yet in every court case against him, he has legal representation.
  4. When we were dating and prior to that, SJC made well over $100,000 but now asserts in family court to making a fraction of that to reduce his child support obligations. He goes from claiming he is self-employed and not making any money to saying he was unable to get employment as a result of the email I sent. However, what he failed to advise the Court was that he was arrested for DUI and had his license suspended for a year which I am sure affected his mode of transportation for work.
  5. In previous positions, SJC has held high paying jobs. Now he is claiming to work in a mid-level position for a company owned by a friend.

It seems that at every turn, SJC is choosing to throw up pretentious road blocks to mask the real truth but karma will catch up with him. Since I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason, I am trying to make sense out of my journey. If through sharing my story, I am able to help others or even just one person realize that they are in an abusive relationship and want help in getting out, then I will feel something good has come out of my experience. I am still a work in progress and working my way back to finding myself.

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